Basically 40 ;)
This week, I turned 38. Adam jokingly calls me "basically 40"—only because I say the same thing to him. But truly, this birthday has been a week of joy and celebration. Breakfast and pastries with Mom, a birthday breakfast with Adam and the kids, sweet wishes from all over, flowers at community group, surprises at work, dinner with friends—one big, overflowing week of joy. And as I soak it all in, I find myself thinking about what I hope for in this next year.
Last year was full of answered prayer, but it was also full of striving. I pushed against closed doors, trying to force my way through. But this year, I want to see closed doors as answered prayers too. I want to free myself to fully lean into the open ones, to follow God into the paths He is laying out—even if they look different than the ones I once hoped for.
Life mapping with different groups has been such a sweet process, giving me a chance to reflect on the last ten years and see God’s hand over it all. And in the last year, though uncertainty has been present, I can also see His goodness woven through. Being celebrated and loved on by people who are precious to me has reminded me of the spaces He has placed me in, the work He is doing, and the joy that comes from simply being present.
Every moment of this birthday week was sweet in its own way, but some of my favorites were the simple ones—sitting on our sofa upstairs in our messy playroom while my two kids and our silly dog climbed all over me as we watched TV together. Sitting with a best friend and her sweet family, watching our kids laugh and play, living, breathing evidence of answered prayer. Watching Thomas grow up and suddenly start talking in sentences, learning how to play back and forth with his sister. Seeing Maggie grow in resilience and maturity while keeping her silly four-year-old jokes and playfulness.
It’s a season where I’m tentatively stepping into obedience in areas that once terrified me—learning, slowly, how to enjoy them but, more importantly, how to simply be obedient and expect God to show up. Because unless He does, it will fail. I’m learning to grow in both competence and dependence on Him at the same time. Learning to be content. Learning to stop so much long-term planning and leave space to be surprised, to see how He’s going to show up—just for fun.
I want to finish my 30s well. I want to enjoy these last two years. I want to serve, not strive.
P.S. If you’re interested in the life mapping resource I’ve been using, I’ll be sharing it at an upcoming talk and would love for you to check it out - see it copied below!
