when i can’t tape the book back together

I checked on Maggie last night before I went to sleep. I always do. I just want one last look. She was tucked snuggly into her bed but I noticed that next to her bed was the book her dad just got her for Valentine’s Day. Several pages had been torn out and torn to shreds. What in the world? I honestly didn’t know what to think. Why did she do this? Was she made we put her to sleep? Anxious? Bored? Occasionally in the past she had ripped things up but it was always little crafts or piddly things - nothing of value. I decided I’d talk to Adam about it in the morning and we’d decide how to handle it.

When we woke up I warned Adam about what she had done. Per usual, at 6:30 am she came quietly into our room and climbed into bed to snuggle. She asked me to come into her room to show me something, I wondered if it was the book (spoiler alert - it wasn’t). Her dad and I walked in and both showed surprise and sadness at what had happened. Maggie said a quick “I’m sorry” and “all better” and went to hug us. This is where I was unsure.

How do I handle this? She’s not quite four. She can’t fully tell me why she did it but I could tell by her avoidant eyes and wiggly body that she was uncomfortable talking about what she had done.

She’s like her mom … just wanting to “say the right things” and quickly move on.

So we talked about trusting her with her books. We talked about how special it was and how hard dad worked to get it for her. We talked about how it wasn’t something we could just “fix.” I actually emptied out the books and toys in her room and told her that we would gradually put them back. But I just felt uneasy, completely unsure if I was handling it right.

So… I did the next best thing… I called my mom. We talked and she had a few ideas and we got off the phone. But she called back shortly and recommended that I ask Maggie to try and put it back together. Help her understand. Maybe let her get a little frustrated that it wouldn’t work.

So after lunch and before nap, I brought Maggie some tape and asked her to do just that. And BLESS HER HEART did she try. And of course little man was all over the papers making it so much harder. The result is above ;) Finally she just walked across the room, sat down and said “It’s hard.”

I pulled her up into my lap, gave her a big hug and we talked about the book. We talked about how, she was right, it was hard. And we talked about how sad we were that it would never be the same … that we couldn’t fix it on our own. And then THANKFULLY I was able to use a book I found when I was putting her books away. And she listened beautifully and I can only hope that the truth from this book will seep into her heart deeper than any poor parenting tactics I will try throughout the years. I hope that she and I will both experience this beautiful grace as we live and grow together. And it was a sweet reminder for me today.

Resource: His Grace Is Enough: How God Makes It Right When We've Got It Wrong by Melissa Kruger